12/06/2012 by diaryofamissionarykid
The dreaded phrase that makes every college student shiver in their shoes. Finals week is always displayed as something terrifyingly scary where you have a HUGE exam in every class on every day for the whole last week of the semester. They say that the two weeks before are spent readying ourselves for these tests, memorizing large amounts of material and learning dates, times, place, people, countries, names, and more dates. What people DON’T tell you is that it actually goes more like this:
2 Weeks before finals-
“Oh I have time to finish all of my projects and reading due before I have to start studying for finals. But I’ll start anyways, and maybe finish up one or two projects…”
Week before finals (aka Project Week)-
“Woah! I need to get these done! A research paper due on Tuesday for English, our CIU 101 portfolio due on Thursday…Oh yeah! and that Radical Reflection paper is due Thursday too… And then I have 5 papers due on Friday for Old Testament, those 10 article synopsis’s due on Monday for Communication, as well as those paragraph summaries of those two movies. I need to do all of this!!!”
And so you start staying up SUPER late (4 and 5 am) typing your little fingers off, wishing you had started about 5 weeks back instead of now. Your head is constantly hurting, and your sleeping pattern is all messed up. And because your sleep is messed up, your eating habits become messed up too. Suddenly Papa John’s pizza sounds REALLY good and all your little tummy can think about at 9:23 is that pizza. Your calendar starts being filled up fast, and you suddenly realize how much time you used to spend on facebook, email, netflix, and twitter. And nothing is quite as important now as getting those sources for that Symbolism of Eve paper for OT. You begin living off of chips and Mountain Dew. Life is good as long as you have your mountain dew.
Note of caution: If you ever see a bedraggled college student with bags under their eyes, clutching their books and laptop in one hand and gripping tightly to a bottle of Mountain Dew in the other, DO NOT MESS WITH THEM. I repeat, DO NOT MESS WITH THEM. You will die. This is certain.
Week of finals-
This part isn’t actually that bad. If you’re one of the lucky few who doesn’t have test taking anxiety, then you will fully agree with the statement just made above. To the rest of us mortals who fear exams like the plague, the phrase “Finals week isn’t that bad”, is a sentence full of lies told by smart people who only want to make us feel better but only make it worse. We worry all day, going from class to class, biting our nails till there’s nothing left and then when we feel like we’re about to reach the end. of. our. rope. we realize that lo and behold, it’s the last class of the day and the last exam of the semester. As you fill in the bubble of that last question about Esther, your spirit’s soar and you’re pretty sure you can hear church bells in the distance. You float your way down to the front of the auditorium and hand your paper to the professor with a radiant face. Your prof sticks on a pair of sunglasses, smiles, and takes your paper. YOU ARE FREE!
Everything after that is a flurry of getting your stuff packed for Christmas break and all you can think about is being able to sleep in again.
As for me, I’m writing this at 3:14 on Thursday of Project Week, trying to let off a little stress by focusing on something other than my aching fingers and sore behind from sitting on the floor so long. I’ve drinken so much Mountain Dew in the last few days that my blood has probably changed to MD by now…
My friend Melissa put it like this: The romans had a law where they said that 40 lashes with a whip would kill you so they would only whip you 39 times, bringing you as close to death as possible without killing you. One more lash would kill you, but they don’t want you dead yet. Semesters are like that. The sixteen weeks are just enough to make you want to die, but not enough to actually kill you. I believe that if the semester had another week added to it, making 17, college students everywhere would drop dead come Monday.
All this to say, good luck on your studying and such. And don’t forget your Mountain Dew!